Fav quotes

[Travis Retriever]

"Asking libertarians whether we're closer to liberals or conservatives is like asking us whether we're closer to Sirius A or Sirius B!"--Me.

[Travis Retriever]

http://www.cracked.com/blog/4-reasons-commercials-are-sexist-against-men/ (all save for number one on the list)
http://www.cracked.com/article_19758_the-5-most-insulting-ways-products-are-advertised-to-men.html
Remember way back when Cracked did actual research and found data that went against the zeitgeist?  Me, Shane & Pepperidge Farm remember...

[Travis Retriever]

A bit of context for this next one.  It was originally inspired by a captioned picture Shane posted on his facebook, that I can't find anymore.  I posted it in a secret group on Facebook I used to be in, but, upon finding out there are some conspiratards in it (bare in mind this is a group of only 14 people including myself) figured they weren't worth my time, especially since I had a falling out with another member (Fennec) whom I had to block:

"Dear statists, theists/religious zealots (of all sorts, not just Christians & Muslims), 9/11 truthers, moon hoaxers, anti-vaxxers/anti-GMO/pro-organic nutbars, The Venus Project nutters, Law of Attraction nutbars, SJWs/feminists, and other bogosity peddlers,

Us calling you out on your bullshit and demanding evidence for your claims does NOT make you victims, it makes you accountable.  Grow the fuck up!

Sincerely,

Those of us who are using our brains.

PS:  If you could forward this to any such woo groups I forgot about, that would be great."

[Ibrahim90]

I just discovered how popular come of my views on many things are in Egypt. Welcome to Bassem Youseff:

[yt]BiR7jggHWm4[/yt]

this guy took on the Muslim Brotherhood, Mubarak, and even as-sissi, though due to rising violence, he's had to cancel his show

here's an episode:

[yt]WYCF_rppZCY[/yt]

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EDIT: well, crap: Hey Shane, may you move this to favorite quotes? thanks.

[Travis Retriever]

"The problem isn't that Johnny can't read. The problem isn't even that Johnny can't think. The problem is that Johnny doesn't know what thinking is; he confuses it with feeling."―Thomas Sowell
Shared with me on Facebook by me & Shane Killian's mutual friend, Ryan Swan. Very cool bloke. n.n

[BlameThe1st]

As much as I would hate to put PZ Myers on here, as the old saying goes, even a broken clock tells the correct time twice a day, and this broken clock has an excellent response towards the "Big Pharma" talking point:

I've been accused, occasionally, of being a pharma shill. Pharmaceutical companies make obscene profits! They're paying off people to hide the dangers of their drugs! And there is a tiny grain of truth: those companies do reap great profits. Be the first to patent a Viagra or Zoloft, and the money will come rolling in.

But there's so much investment required! You need to test thousands of drugs to find one that does anything; then there's all the animal testing, the clinical trials, the regulatory oversight, the lawsuits that follow from side-effects (and if the drug is actually potent, there will be side-effects). No, that's not for me. If I wanted to be really rich, and had no conscience at all, I'd go straight to Big Alt Med.

No testing! Cheap products! In the case of homeopathy, you can market tiny bottles of water! Supplements are almost entirely unregulated, nobody cares if you're selling pills stuffed with sawdust. It's miraculous sums of money for entirely non-miraculous garbage, plus a lot of promises

[Travis Retriever]

As much as I would hate to put PZ Myers on here, as the old saying goes, even a broken clock tells the correct time twice a day, and this broken clock has an excellent response towards the "Big Pharma" talking point:

To be fair, I groan at his, "supplements are unregulated!" as if a lack of government regulation = bad nonsense...but yeah, basically it's just them giving the alt med fuckwads a free pass as they've ALWAYS done.

[Ibrahim90]

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This is fucking gold!

so here's what happened:

Ethiopia's planning on building a damn called "the revival dam", along the Blue Nile. Problem is that it will end all inundation along the main Nile course, which would cripple Egypt's ability to generate power and provide drinking water to the people (and the Nile's already being taxed heavily for the two). The irrigation minister was "surprised" about this (he's a bit of a captain oblivious), but assures the people that it won't be the case (somehow...someway).

So Morsi, feeling a bit concerned, he decides to hold a National Meeting. Lulz ensue @ 14:17, as the lady coordinating this forgot to tell them that this was being broadcast live. (the win comes from Bassem Youssef--he'll be in red; Morsi will be Green: they're the only two sole voices of reason along with "Khalid"...let Morsi being a voice of reason sink in):
[spoiler]
"in spite of this, the President has decided to invite people to hold a national meeting" *applause*...So as to confront the threat of this dam...You guys know what happened in the dialogue, right? (at this point, the picture to his right of the meeting, reading "searching for a scandal")
You guys know the conversation? the whole world should know what happened during...Let's take a second look at this meeting: I mean, while the Prime Minister of Ethiopia said to "worry not, you won't ever lose a single cup of water", however the President hosted this meeting...so the President isn't buying that...The President doesn't believe anything they say

here it cuts to the meeting:

What he has announced to me--this prime minister of Ethiopia--that Egypt could not be harmed even by a cup of water.

And those ten, swear to me once again over the water!

So there's no problem at all? So while you're putting that way, why did you hold the conference? And why are your hands full with Ethiopia, the dinner's *bleep*, why? I don't get it. "They promised us, but we'll have a meeting just in case!"

What matters is that his meeting has gathered many personalities from the Political scene: Hamzawi, and his cuteness...Abu Ela, whose looking for person to "poke him" (i.e. tickle him), and Rami Lakkah and his lovely duckface...by the way that's what we discovered to be Rami Lakkah's favorite camera pose...

And from the first minute of the meeting, the seriousness of the President became apparent, and his comprehension of the gravity of the situation.

cuts back to the meeting:

We have the ability to suck the shock....

ABSORB!!!ABSORB!!!! HE MEANT ABSORB!!! ABSORB, WHAT IS IT?! ABSORB!!! Absorb, I mean we take a drink--never-mind take, just never-mind....ABSORB!!!

By the way, we want to absorb...I would have loved to stop it at this word so that we could absorb the shock...We are in need of this capability more than anyone else...What matters is that the meeting kicked off with a display of national strength of concern for the country's well-being...How much they see that we are in error over the rights of the Nile

cuts back to  the meeting:

Rami Lakkah: "your honor, we do not respect our Nile...we are wasteful with our Nile, we piss into our Nile"

And we tit into our Nile, and we go bobbing up and down!! bobbing up and down!!

Look, the Nile's the most important part of our country, and yet we can dick about with it at all....What matters is that those who attended the meeting had some grand ideas about the solution to the problem...Intelligent ideas...ideas outside the box

*cuts back to the meeting*

an idiot (Muhammad Bakra), Morsi really looking contemptuous: "In Ethiopia we need to know the impact of our Football team's there, the champions in Africa for years, for they have a mighty impact!"

...this isn't outside the box, this is totally out of the 6-yard line...You didn't even notice how Morsi was staring at you? As the President of his party, why did you bring in Muhammad Bakra?

well let's try again: does anyone had a better idea which can help us? We're not particularly concerned with African teams, so that's over with....Anyone else whom we can send?

MH: I was once in a Sudanese village, on the occasion that they love us there and we'd send them a *no idea--some weird Egyptian word*...I was once in a Sudanese Village in the heart of Sudan...so a small little kid grabs hold of me and asks "you know Adel Imam?" So you see the attachment to Egypt? So I said "No, unfortunately I don't know Adel Imam, but I know Nur Ash-Sharif", so he replied "give my greetings to him".

And did you give him the kid's greetings? That's it! we've solved the problem! We send them Nur Ash-Sharif! We unfortunately can't send them Adel Siyam...

But that's in Sudan, and fun fact: People in Ethiopia don't speak Arabic--you know, the ones actually building the dam? So they don't know Adel Imam, nor Nur Ash-Sharif...they probably know Adel Siyam, but the rest of course not!

Please guys give us an artistic, technical solution, that helps us with this problem...let's hear from the genius, innovative politician Magdi Hussein:

MH (brace yourselves): "we'll just electrically tie them with us, and forget about the high dam (Lake Nasser)just electrically tie us with them and forget the high damn

So never mind the high damn at all! We'll dismantle it and sell it for scrap! We'll make confetti out of it!

MAN WHAT'S GOING ON IN YOUR HEAD IN THERE WHAT??!!!

So he's saying there's no problem--what, are you the student of the minister of irrigation? so you're at a meeting over the fact that the Spigot's now over there, and you propose to give them both the light switch and spigot? WHAT EMPTY-HEADEDNESS IS THIS?!!

Can anyone propose something a bit realistic?

Bearded dumb-ass with Birthmark: In the event of the failure of all these options, we will have no choice save using the last of our cards, and sending the secret service in to demolish any dam that may be built there...

And why the secret service? And why a military operation? We'll just rush into them in a minibus, with two containers of butane--if we could find them--and we can blow the dam from its base and leave it a heap of charcoal....

YOU GUYS ARE SAYING THIS ON THE AIR???!!!!!

You guys know how this is going to end, right? OK, so can someone propose something rational, exempt from such folly?

another idiot: there's possible talk of a military operation...of course, such an operation would be difficult to achieve

Well you're most generous, that is exactly right, Someone is being logical, not to propose a military solution on the air you clever fellas...So what axes can we tackle this problem from?

we don't have any axis save through Eritrea, Somalia, Djibouti, and all this is the secret service business--they'll accomplish this from within...they'll do it together

look, so we'll incite Eritrea on Djibouti, Djibouti will then attack Ethiopia, then Ethiopia will fuck with the two and we watch them eat into each other...and so we sit here dancing gleefully over this sight! oh yeah...oh yeah....

ARE YOU ALL INSANE!!!! THIS IS ALL ON THE AIR--ARE YOU CRAZY??!!!!

It occurs to me that every secret service man and spy is watching this with consternation...but in spite of this mess-up, There's still a spy who has retained their secret identity *here it plays a trailer about this fictitious female spy*

BY talking to the female spy: oh....a while ago you were being tortured over there, and now you're back with the revival damn under you arm?

What I want to know is, if we have spies and agents over there, how are they doing now?! Were they discovered, or do they still have their secret identity? To know more about this, we have over Satellite dishes one of our agents, Khalid (Khalid is on a pillory being whipped by a masked man)

Khalid (introduced as "our spy from Adis Ababa"): hi Bassem!

tell us of the role of the National Meeting in the discovery of our agents in Ethiopia.

Khalid: Our secret was out man! it completely exposed us completely! we're just *bleeped out*! And afterwords bassem...afterwords bassem...excuse me for just a second *turns to the Ethiopian*: Basha! Basha! Basha! how you doing? what's your good name? John? OK John, where you from? Addis Ababa? cleverest of guys really! If you'll excuse me I have a short interview, so can be stop the torture real quick? just a five minute break? we'll compensate for them, seriously! aren't we here together? Oh, you'll be off your shift? don't worry about it, I'll vouch for you. dealy deal? *kiss* see ya king! *turns back to Bassem* OK, I'm with you know Bassem: what were we saying?

the role of the national meeting in exposing your secret cover Khalid..

Khalid: honestly they woke every sleeper sell! There's no secret identity to cover us, not even a cover story!

Can you not escape Khalid?

Khalid: do you not see me restrained Bassem? escape how?

And the other agents Khalid? are they totally exposed? is there no hope?

Khalid: honestly, our last and only hope is Ayman Mahmoud, residing in Adis Ababa on Mumbasa street, over the Egypt and Somalia place...he's driving a red car, the only one of its sort in Adis Ababa...he even has a sticker on it called "prisoner of sorrow""

So I want to know about our secret agent, this Ayman Mahmoud, residing in Adis Ababa on Mumbasa street, over the Egypt and Somalia place...he's driving a red car customized by himself

Khalid: Ah, Ah, yes, Ayman our secret agent! See, he was the only one to escape the Ethiopian government, he is our last and only hope! I cannot tel you how much we really depend on him!

Since you're with us on the air broadcast live around the world, are there any last words you have to say to the Egyptian people?

Khalid: wait one second...We're on the air? *awkward and painful expression on his face*

Yes, we're on the air live, the whole world is listening to you.

Khalid: so this is being broadcast?!

yes

Khalid (turns towards John): come finish your beating John! come finish the beating! come, come you son of a bitch! I'll be out to be torture outside in the dirt!

Give a hand to our broken khalid....God help you Khalid, and we wish to apologize to Ayman Mahmoud residing on Mombasa Street in Adis Ababa...that's if he's still alive, it's clear we neglected to timely inform him that this was all on the air.

Back to the meeting: since we're live on the air, can someone inform us of the exact situation in Ethiopia?

an idiot: Ethiopia's composed of multiple tribes, and as you know with this African nations, everyone just functions as they are and each goes their own way...

And it all takes care of itself...Man, we're asking about the situation in Ethiopia, not for a review of the College*..I mean, you can't just say that we can simply bribe their people on the air...I mean, no one can possibly say this knowing they're in front of a camera (*of Arab States)

*black screen: middle says "a guy who knows he's being filmed"*

the same idiot, this time on his talk show: I mean today if we give the Ethipian president 100 pounds Egyptian, or 100 dinars, the case is closed! issue resolved! those people are waking up from half the day to rule the country (i.e. overworked and underpaid)

And this is the last cup of water coming from there....But we've yet to hear from the veteran politician on this matter, and specifically what opinions and solutions they might have? Especially one who has gone as a friend?

idiot who went to Ethiopia: we need to establish direct contacts and to interfere internally--and I'm saying this against other people's opinion--but there must be internal interference! There must be an effect on the decision--on the Ethiopians, for their society is decayed to the most extreme level: we saw this in our visits, and it was truly tragic...

yeah, their national position is tragic, and how about you guys exactly???

you're sitting there before a president whose said we don't meddle in others affairs and they don't meddle in ours, and you're saying that? Shame on you man! OK Dr. Ayman Nur, do you have any other classified ideas you wish to provide us with?

Well, your honor, we can leak intelligence information and data to trick them into thinking we're buying more airplanes to add to our air-power?


And what next???.........

what do you also want to leak, since you are on the air? can we hear more hoax-talk from you? that we have children walking around with buildings in their pockets??? that we've reversed the course of the Nile and shut it from our end? That the Brotherhood are opening in Ethiopia? You know, nothing secret--we'll just lay it all on the ground...

And after this fuckup, what's next is completely different, from the Preative Political Arab mind of Magdi Hussein...


Since this meeting's classified, we must swear that we must never let any of this leak out to the media--that would be for the best, save as a redacted form by our lady Bakinam

hehe, the sister Bakinam! regarding Ms. Bakinam, remain seated: you'll soon know that Bakinam's pinned you to the wall...

Even if we...OK, what do you say?

This whole thing is being broadcast live...

did he just say this whole thing was being broadcast live?*everyone laughs*

So now I don't have a secret plan or anything...


B Y imitating these dipshits: Did you check this out!!!?! my god you guys are being filmed? *imitates Lakkah's "duckface"*

And the funniest part was that Ayman Nur said no one had told him anything....and he forgot what he said...

And Morsi this whole time is just sitting there already knowing this, and he's just leaving them to praddle on....such beauty!"do we strike Ethipia?" "Operations, secret service, sure..."

As to Bakinam ash-sharqawi, she apologized on her facebook, that she had forgotten to inform the people that this was being broadcast live

"sorry...we forgot to tell you...we were supposed to make this a surprise"

This meeting set the lowest bar for meetings: no one had anything intelligent to say at all, and that the news broadcast this to show us this is what is at the fore-front of the political scene...So if you want to threaten Ethiopia, threaten it! This is much said, so please clap!

So if you want to threaten Ethiopia, threaten it! a country can if it can back it up! but with this farce we've just seen, you just see people without leadeship, without ideas, just sitting on a bench...

And as to Bakinam, the woman who pinned us, and embarrassed us internationally, I want to know what's going on with the presidential staff, why they'd do that....

*he then goes on wondering if she and her crew have super-powers and stuff, then an "interview" with an "intern" under bakinam...
[/spoiler]

[MrBogosity]

What if everything politicians did on the job was subject to being live-streamed, completely at random, with no way to predict or tell whether or not it was happening at the time? Might be interesting...

[Ibrahim90]

What if everything politicians did on the job was subject to being live-streamed, completely at random, with no way to predict or tell whether or not it was happening at the time? Might be interesting...

As you can tell, the Egyptians are way ahead of you! 

in the meantime, I didn't even finish translating the rest: I'll be adding it soon.

EDIT: done! I'll be honest, thatI'm pretty sure my translation isn't perfect: come words were kind of jumbled, other times I just didn't recognize the term (bear in mind I speak a different dialect of Arabic--it'd be like an American trying to figure out British slang some times: further, I've clearly been gone long enough from home to miss the apparent influx of English loanwords to Egyptian Arabic).

seriously though, this should be on the next podcast or meet-up or something XD

[Travis Retriever]

"'Social Justice' is the ideological embodiment of First World Problems."--Me, inspired by a quote from Morrakiu.

[Travis Retriever]

"Everyone's got a gris-gris, but some a lot more than others."--Me, inspired by Penn & Teller

[Travis Retriever]

"They never stop.  They will never have enough power.  If they sealed you in concrete so you couldn't move at all, they would resent your dying heartbeats for being outside their control."--Hawkeye to me, in AIM a few weeks ago.

[Travis Retriever]

"You are confusing what the study found and what the authors concluded. I'm in the business of facts, not opinions."--Menno Henselmans in the comments of this post of his:  https://www.facebook.com/BayesianBodybuilding/posts/920076804716822
Emphasis added by me.  So nabbing that for myself. 

[Travis Retriever]

"Anyone can build a strong, muscular body...The weight training world is full of success stories, and you can be another one. I don't care how skinny, fat or how old you are - I've seen them all fail and I've seen them all succeed. Patience, dedication and perseverance were at the root of all those successes and missing in all the failures."--Casey Butt, http://www.weightrainer.net/training/beginners.html