Most none-bogus ways to handle Social Anxiety?

[VectorM]

I've been having severe problems lately, related to social anxiety, and it seems that the net is filled with a lot of bad advice. Like new age crap, mantras and other garbage.

It seems that therapy is the best choice, but I don't think that I can find something adequate in my country.

So does anyone know of any ways I could help myself?

[MrBogosity]

Therapy is just talking it out. With an expert listening, there's a lot of progress to be made, but if there's none available, then a friend you can confide in is the best. Mostly the act of talking it out helps a lot.

[VectorM]

The thing is, when you have social anxiety, you tend to...you know...not have friends.

I DO however have one female friend (a friend I made at work actually, even though the social anxiety prevents me from speaking to her most of the time), who seems to be willing to help me out and I hope I can use the opportunity.

Therapy is just talking it out.

I guess, but what about things like Cognitive-Behavior therapy and such? Where they try to train you in to thinking a certain way, etc?

[MrBogosity]

I'm skeptical about those.

It would help more if you gave specifics, although I completely understand if you don't want to.

[Ibrahim90]

I've been having severe problems lately, related to social anxiety, and it seems that the net is filled with a lot of bad advice. Like new age crap, mantras and other garbage.

It seems that therapy is the best choice, but I don't think that I can find something adequate in my country.

So does anyone know of any ways I could help myself?

just talk it off, preferably with a therapist. since you seem to have trouble making more friends, or being open to the one you have about it, a therapist will be the best. not saying it si easy or cheap, but it's better than letting it stew there.

speaking as someone who was (and is to an extent) in your shoes, it's the best thing in the end really.

[VectorM]

It would help more if you gave specifics, although I completely understand if you don't want to.

Nah, this small little forum feels like a little virtual family to me, sometimes 

Well, just Google social anxiety and read on the symptoms. Have all of them, pretty much. Lack of friends, constant depression, tendency to beat my self over how much I suck, unable to handle a conversation with other people, nervousness, etc.

From what I've seen online, around 10-12% of the population suffers from this type of condition, and what sucks, is that most normal people think you are an asshole and you jut don't like talking to people, but that can't be further form the truth. Especially in my case.

Oh, yeah, also my parents would beat me up, often enough for me to remember only the bad stuff from my childhood with them. stefbot's videos on child abuse kinda hit home for me (though it was definitely not as bad as some other parents, to be perfectly fair)

I'm skeptical about those.

Care to elaborate? Various websites claim, that those therapies are the most effective, and are very successful most of the time, though i haven't seen them provide any proper evidence for that claim.

[Virgil0211]

My girlfriend's also been dealing with social phobia since she was a teenager. She's better now, but the treatment for that was in concert with treatment for ADHD, depression, and type-2 bipolar disorder, so I don't know how much of what she did would be helpful.

[MrBogosity]

Here's a thought: see if there's a local Toastmasters and drop in on them. Most local groups have open attendance, and some allow anyone who wants to come and speak. People learn speaking skills there and try out different things on each other. They're usually very happy to have someone new come in and try to get his public speaking skills going--and they'll have lots of tips for you as well. Getting over the anxiety of public speaking might help you with the rest--as might socializing with them.

[Goaticus]

Read Neil Strauss's Rules of the Game. It's not just useful for getting chicks. My main advice would be to just get out there and socialize. Especially with people you don't normally see on a daily basis.

[Virgil0211]

Read Neil Strauss's Rules of the Game. It's not just useful for getting chicks. My main advice would be to just get out there and socialize. Especially with people you don't normally see on a daily basis.

My girlfriend started going to anime clubs, for one thing. Alot of people there were already a bit socially awkward, so it was easy to get into the swing of things.

[VectorM]

Here's a thought: see if there's a local Toastmasters and drop in on them. Most local groups have open attendance, and some allow anyone who wants to come and speak. People learn speaking skills there and try out different things on each other. They're usually very happy to have someone new come in and try to get his public speaking skills going--and they'll have lots of tips for you as well. Getting over the anxiety of public speaking might help you with the rest--as might socializing with them.

There is one in my capital city, but that's like 700 km away from where I live, so it's kind of not an option at this very moment. I do plan on going to this meeting, in a city 50 km form here, next week. The female friend suggested it to me, she is even willing to take me there, which is kind of the only reason I am going there right now.
The guy who is going to speak seems to deal with a bunch of new age crap, so I am very skeptical. On the other hand, I've been told, that lots of young people go there, so i guess the chance to socialize with them can help me some.

Read Neil Strauss's Rules of the Game. It's not just useful for getting chicks. My main advice would be to just get out there and socialize. Especially with people you don't normally see on a daily basis.

I will definitely try to get my hands on that book, thank you. Not sure about the other advice, though. Telling a socially anxious person to just go around and socialize, is kind of like telling a person, who is afraid of swimming, to just start swimming, heh. Then again, part of treating phobias is get exposed to them some more, or is it? I think i've read some bad advice on that, too.

[Virgil0211]

Not sure about the other advice, though. Telling a socially anxious person to just go around and socialize, is kind of like telling a person, who is afraid of swimming, to just start swimming, heh. Then again, part of treating phobias is get exposed to them some more, or is it? I think i've read some bad advice on that, too.

Well, more like 'tread water, then practice swimming in the shallow end, and then in the deeper areas when that gets comfortable'. As far as I understand it, just about every method of treating social phobia will involve that at some point. The problem would be attempting socialization in such a way that it becomes another traumatic experience. The behaviorists would say that conditioning is the key, and one needs to condition positive responses to the situation. Cognitive therapists would say that a learned way of thinking is the key, and one needs to practice a new mode of thinking. At least, that's what I remember from the classes I took. Keep in mind that IANAPOP (and it's 4:30 in the morning here right now. :-P). Part of the reason I mentioned the anime club is that, for whatever reason, this seemed to help my girlfriend in providing an environment where she felt comfortable socializing. Socializing there eventually made it easier to socialize in other situations. Maybe it was due to the fact that they were more accepting (at least, that was my impression), the shared interest that one could easily fall back on, or both.

I'm sorry if I wasn't helpful. My experience in this area is a bit limited. I'm sorry if it seemed like I was telling you to 'just go out and socialize'.

[VectorM]

I'm sorry if I wasn't helpful. My experience in this area is a bit limited. I'm sorry if it seemed like I was telling you to 'just go out and socialize'.

No, your stuff is very helpful, actually. And that was a response to Goaticus, who did actually say "just go out there and socialize"  , though i don't think he meant, that I should trow my self in to a crowd and start talking to random strangers

If this is an indication of anything, I can be very outgoing and talkative, when I speak to people on skype, for example. Though that is normal, I guess. Not being able to see the actual person on the other side is the #1 reason for being an asshole on the internet, after all   

[Virgil0211]

No, your stuff is very helpful, actually. And that was a response to Goaticus, who did actually say "just go out there and socialize"  , though i don't think he meant, that I should trow my self in to a crowd and start talking to random strangers

If this is an indication of anything, I can be very outgoing and talkative, when I speak to people on skype, for example. Though that is normal, I guess. Not being able to see the actual person on the other side is the #1 reason for being an asshole on the internet, after all   

Well, I'd recommend getting into some kind of geek interest club, like science fiction or anime. This may just be my experience, but social awkwardness seems to be more acceptable in those circles. It can provide a safe environment to practice socialization that could then be applied to other situations. My girlfriend still has trouble with social phobia, but she's able to make impromptu conversation and friends with her classmates. That's a huge improvement over before.

Then again, maybe my brain's going down that route of recommendation due to the Elim Garak avatar. :-P 

EDIT: I almost forgot- not all geek interest clubs are effective in this way. Last year, the anime club on campus was awash with high-school level drama and clique-ish behavior. It's improved since the problem members graduated, but the problem was still there for a semester or two. However, that's the only time I've been involved in an anime club or anime convention and haven't had a positive social experience.

I'ono. Maybe we just got lucky.

[VectorM]

Not much as far as geek clubs where I live. Except the chess club, but I really don't like chess, sorry  I guess i could try to casually meet some old classmates, that i think i could be pretty comfortable with.